Still the same

I think I'm getting a little depressed.  The weight loss is stalled, has been stalled for months and here it is...I have to be satisfied or diet.

I can't get into the diet mindset.  I don't know why.  I drift through gray days, feeling a bit desperate.

I eat what I eat.  Not a lot and not overtly bad stuff, but comfort food such as chicken and corn bread dressing with peas on the side.  Lots of carbs.  Then the next day I make a ratatouille with cheese for dinner and feel better, but I know I haven't done enough.  I haven't dieted.  I didn't eat chicken breast and salad or steak and green beans...because I didn't want it.  I've slipped into the familiar robes of soft, slippery comfort.   Food has become the enemy again.

I'm a bad person because I can't diet. I don't want to diet--I hate it, the constant alertness and monitoring, the privation and denial of what you really want to eat.  Why eat stuff you don't want?  My mother says this is my problem, that I refuse to eat nasty food.  "Food is simply nutrients for the body--you should eat what's good for you, not what tastes good."  Not what feels good either.

I grew up with broiled chicken, tuna, uninspired salads and weight watcher's food.  Nasty food. Remember when they sold frozen fish in those rectagular packages, like the once ubiquitous frozen vegetable squares?  There was never carbs in the house, no bread and god forbid, no cereal.  No mashed potatoes, no macaroni, no sweets, ever.  Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches were a novelty, something eaten away from home.  Home was dry frozen white fleshed fish, vegetable boxes of string beans and broccoli, always broccoli, along with chicken.

So I know what to do.

 I have to diet to get what I want--an attractive, healthy body.  No way around it.  My birthday is this week.  I'm getting old and before I die, I want to have it.  So, somehow, I have to do it.  Everything depends on my dieting.  Do I want success?  Do I want a life?  Diet, diet, diet.  And exercise, of course.  But one can exercise oneself silly without losing weight (I know).  Dieting is the key.  Food is my enemy while being the only friend.

I think this over and over and the days pass by with no diet.

Misery of the usual kind.  The kind I'm lifetime familiar with, a despised companion.  My DS was half a success, but half a failure.  I'm halfway to the goal I really want, and don't know if I can make it the rest of the way.

Why tell me the obvious?  I know, I'm worthless because I can't diet.  Sigh.  

I have a DS sister

She was also a 90's VBG revision to a DS.

We had the same docs, Dunshee and Stewart...they work in pairs.  Stewart worked on me--Dunshee was my primary.  Dunshee worked on her and Stewart was her primary.  They were both trained by Anthone.

I don't know if they do them separately now that they've racked up more experience.  They had done fifty DS's jointly when I had my surgery.  They did the procedure in teams of two surgeons without an extra charge.  They did it lap on DS virgins and would try on revisions, but always cautioned it could be quickly converted to open, especially on a revision.   My DS sister and I both ended up being done open.

She had her surgery a week before me and we were in the same hospital together.  She was 50-75 pounds heavier than me at our surgeries, I don't remember exactly.  She left a few days after I had my surgery.  I was hospitalized for weeks, much longer than her.  

She's lost a lot more weight than I have (100 pounds when I last heard) without my nasty complications at the outset even though we were both revisions.  She's not moaning about dieting either, but seems to eat what she wants within reason.  She had a lot more taste issues than me, but then again, I couldn't eat jack for months and subsisted on tube feedings.  I was so happy to eat once I could finally chow down, taste was the least of my worries.   Getting and keeping it down was my issue.

I write this to let folk know mileage does vary.

More from Kathleen and the DS Dieting Dilemma

Kathleen gave me permission to reproduce her post...it was in response to a woman who was worried about her weight loss post op the DS. She got the usual prompts to restrict her carbs.

As I am one of those where the DS kind of "didn't work" I feel I must reply to this post and put in my 2 cents. I lost 45 lbs and stopped. I started at 285 and was very dismayed at my weight loss stopping before I'd lost at least 100 lbs.

If I had to do it over again I think I would have been watching my carbs more carefully from the early months but right after surgery I was 1. not used to dieting, 2. not used to actually believing that diets worked for me, in fact, convinced they did not! and 3. wasn't able to eat very much so it didn't seem important that I ate carbs as long as I got in protein first.

I still can't each much. Heck, I just started to be able to eat at all a few months ago. My doc told me to eat whatever, since I could eat so little. I was on a tube feeding for months. I never have gone hog wild and eaten sweets wholesale--I'm diabetic. Eating whatever meant to me was eating the few carbs that I could tolerate without distress. So far that's not much, mainly potatoes and brown rice--but I don't like brown rice much. Eating whatever is eating a piece of Ezekiel bread (sprouted whole grains and beans--high protein) and rejoicing I kept it down.

You might say I had to learn the hard way that for some of us (what do you think, maybe 50% or more?) this is a tool that helps people lose a bunch, eat less after that, and get determined to stick to a sensible eating plan, (I am not bothered by the word diet, which to me means eating plan) and the DS does not automatically achieve the ideal weight loss by itself. It was a learning curve for me, and in the first year I did get down to a 65 lb loss by dieting, and later down to a 120 lb loss with more dieting, and this was indeed a "weight loss diet", one I liked and could stick to. I didn't stay at the 120 lb loss (165 lbs) and am now at 185 to 195 range and working on it, adding more exercise and sticking to my preferred eating plan (except when I don't).

Oh shit. Eating plan means D I.E. T. to me and diets have always been my nemesis.

I just wanted to say a word here about honestly looking at ourselves, how new people sometimes talk before DS about "diets don't work for me" and after DS many of us talk just like people on a pretty darn strict diet. ...Also called watching your carbs.

Thank Gawd, I'm not the only one who feels like that. I was boggling when I started to look into archives about my slowed to nonexistent weight loss. Everybody was telling me to diet! If I could diet, I wouldn't have needed the frickin' surgery, I thought.

 I never have gone hog wild on carbs, had to limit them because of my diabetes. Eating the minimal carbs always kept my ass fat. So am I back to square one!?  But I kept my mouth shut.

Whatever term you are comfortable with, it is a much stricter way of eating than we were doing before DS. I don't want to be telling Worried to "be afraid, be very afraid", just to recognize, as many have to sooner or later, that a change of eating is indeed part of the "work" and the "success" of the DS. We just can't eat like we did before surgery, for many reasons. Not trying to suggest that Worried is doing so, just commenting on the subject of life post DS and how it was for me, and that sometimes it does seem the DS didn't work.

Heresy!  The words seem to be verboten in the public forums.  Did I really damn near die for something that won't work all the way? Maybe I did...but I do know I wouldn't have lost the 70 pounds without it. Time will tell if it was worth it. Life is usually a gamble, and with no risk, comes no rewards. No regrets.

Yeah, yeah, I know you lucky ones who don't diet, never had to, the DS worked beautifully for you and I am happy for you and desperately wanted to be one of you myself, but get over yourselves, you were damn lucky!! Appreciate your good fortune, it didn't happen that way for quite a few of us, including, I suspect, many who just read, am I right?

Smug be-yotches. Okay, I admit it, my 215 pound ass is jealous. But why do people have to transform into born and bred Skinny Bitches once they lose the weight? Seriously.

I have often considered a revision, and while I have never really completely given up on that idea, I know that a little discipline and a good eating plan and exercise would do me just as good and cost a lot less. I don't regret my surgery (6 years ago) but I wish I had had a shorter common channel and developed better eating habits sooner. Better late than never tho! I am trying to be encouraging and informative with this post, and mean no criticism for anybody, just talking about my own experience and wanting to share with others who can relate.

Thank you! I SO related to you. But I'm not considering more surgery. I've had enough and more might just kill me. Where I'm at right now is either to accept my 215 poundedness or deal with low carb dieting. Maybe I can set my sights lower. I can lose thirty more pounds, can't I? I'd be more satisfied at 185.

Bear with me. I'm working through it. This is a big deal.

Dieting and the DS

Nope, I didn't do well yesterday. I was fine until the evening when that certain restlessness/dissatisfaction hit me. And damn, there were ice cream bars in the refrigerator. Yes, ice cream bars. Well, they're gone now.

Today is a new day. But I do need to finish the food I have on hand. I don't have the money to throw away food. I have too many carbs in the house. When they're gone, they won't be replaced.

One thing about carbs, a little will make you crave more. And they are the foods that fill that restless, dissatisfied emotional void I mentioned earlier. Carbs are the Devil. White flour is just a lesser demon in comparison.

Anyhoo...I was looking over at Obesity Help, a site full of folks and info. The duodenal switch forum is positively positive on the DS. It is a wonderful surgery in comparison with the others, but there are drawbacks that it seems verboten to talk about much. Are the ones having trouble with weight loss afraid to speak up? I know I was, even at the decision stage in the beginning. It was an invaluable source of info, but I kept my questions to myself and just read the archives and lurked.

Whine about dieting and carb restriction on the open DS forums too much and you run the risk of serious flames. Where did these once morbidly obese women get their steely carb-resistant willpower?

Dieting seems to be the reality of more than a few DSers, especially us revisions. Sure, there are some who have lost the weight without a hitch. There are others who have serious nutritional problems and bathroom issues.

Is there a safe place where us DSers who will have to diet to lose all our weight can speak out and seek support?

Effin' dieting. I really like Kathleen on the lists and boards. Ever time I read her, she has something of substance to say.

I feel that an important part of this process is really swept under the rug, the part where we all say (or most anyway, some claim then NEVER overate and those hundred or more pounds just "appeared") that dieting doesn't work.

I hear ya. My theory is that we really fat folk are genetically skewed toward getting fat in the midst of plenty. Some people couldn't gain up to 300 pounds if they tried and tried hard. But we do eat and love doing it. It's not as if somebody else was stuffing our mouths.

I think there could be a lot more honesty that we are all somewhat food addicted. I don't think that is shameful, everyone has some addictive behavior or coping or control behavior, whatever term floats your boat, and for some it is food. I love food, I am a "foodie" in the best sense of the term, I am a good cook, a connoisseur of good eats and love the food channel.

I not a great cook or a foodie that much, but I sure love to eat. And I adore my potatoes. I compare quitting them is about the same as quitting cigarettes felt to me twenty-odd years ago. Quitting cigarettes was a hell of a lot easier than the whole effin' dieting thing. Potatoes are just one thing.

The part that we ignore in the forum is that bit where the DS magically changes us into people who can "control our carbs". Just when and how does that happen for most people? I have tried to discuss it but have gotten little interest.

Kathleen is braver than I am. I don't dare try to discuss it in front of DS strangers. I'm an inveterate cowardly lurker. But I'm really struggling over controlling the carbs, as much as I ever did? Where is my DS magic? Does it exist? Dear Lawd, I'll never buy ice cream bars again, no matter how much the kid begs.

If anybody wants to talk about the DS and dieting, I'm here. It's my turf and I'm brave here.

Miserable About Dieting

Today, I vow to diet. It's the same as what I did thousands of days before my WLS. Low carb has always worked best for me--but I had to be very strict to lose weight before. No diary whatsoever, not every many veggies.

I'm going to just restrict my carbs (starches). Maybe I can still lose weight with some dairy (not carb laden milk-I'm talking cheese and cream). I'm going to have half and half in my coffee with whey this am. Make a note to buy cream instead.

Then I'll make a couple eggs with sour cream--maybe some bacon for brunch.

Later for dinner, I have left over pork chops. I can have that with cabbage. Sigh. Yes, I'm missing my potato already. Since it's just me and my daughter, if I make potatoes, the temptation to eat more than a bite or two is great. I'll make her mac and cheese to go with her pork chops and cabbage.

Basic vitamin regime on the cheap

I'm on Medicare due to disability.  I'm poor.  Another women in my boat wrote in at the duodenal switch lists asking for advice on how to pay for her vitamin supplements since Medicare doesn't pick up this cost.

I wrote her back privately...this is what I do

I can get the basics shipped to my door for approx $20 a month.

I ordered the multivitamins with ADEK from Baratric Advantage at first, but they are too expensive and unnecessary.  I bought cheaper multivitamins from Vitalady 180 caps (her private label) for around $35 which will last me three months.  I'm going to go with the cheapest generic ones when I run out.

I don't take the ADEKs my doctor's office showed me.  They are too expensive at $40 a bottle for 60, not even a month's supply at 3 a day.  The doc said they weren't necessary either.  It's best to add what you need based on your lab tests.  If you need extra vitamins, your lab tests will show it.

You can order what you need at Amazon, cheap, and utilize their free shipping for orders over $25.  I always buy enough at once to get their free shipping.

Ferro sequels from Amazon.  100 tablets at 1 a day will last appros 3 months. I love these because they are good to my tummy and non constipating. $7/mo

Citracal calcium citrate with D 180 tablets at three a day will last two months. I do like the chewable and lozenges, but these are cheaper. They have no taste, like chalk. I just chew 'em and chase it with a beverage. $7.50/mo



Centrum multivitamin You get 250 which at 2/day will last approx 4 months. Big pills, I break them into half. $5/mo


(Don't always go with the best price. If it's just a dollar or so more, the ones that qualify for free shipping are worth it)

The Diet Dilemma

A member of the duodenalswitch list at yahoogroups.com wrote something I related to deeply. She did not give permission to reproduce it verbatim on my blog when I asked, so I'll just say she was exactly my weight (285) when she had her surgery and she only lost 45 pounds and stopped. She had to diet to lose additional weight, losing 120 pounds and stabilizing at around 90-100 pounds lost.

I'm a little luckier, despite being on tube feedings for months after my surgery...I stopped at a 70 pound weight loss. It's been several months and my weight has stabilized at 213 (nekkid and hungry) 215 (clothed and fed), neither losing or gaining.

It's a fact that some DSers lose only a certain amount and stop short of their goal. I'm apparently one of them.

The seventy pound weight loss is a blessing though. Most of my obesity related maladies are gone. I look somewhat normal now, although I wish I were thinner. I'd be happy to lose down to 185, 100 pounds down from my surgery weight. I need to lose thirty more pounds to reach that goal.

Hell, if I could diet successfully, I wouldn't have needed the DS! But, maybe now I can. Before Atkins never worked for me unless I stayed on it in the strictest sense...no cheese, no eggs, no dairy at all, and limiting my veggies in addition to no other carbs whatsoever. It was undoable.

Now, maybe I can do Atkins with low carb dairy and low carb veggies. That would be workable. I'm loving my potatoes now, a starch I can tolerate well. They will have to go...

DS eating to lose to optimal weight needs to be low carb because we malabsorb fat and need our protein to function well.

It's back to the diet struggle unless I can decide I'm happy at the weight I'm at now.

Yummy beef and potato chowder

Fall is stew and soup time for me! I made a great soup yesterday and need to finish the leftovers

Beef (cheap cuts), chopped into fine chunks, about a pound. You can use ground beef too if you prefer
A medium onion, chopped
5 large potatoes, grated
1/2 cup corn
1/2 cup peas
1/2 cup carrots
1 can cream of mushroom soup
1 cup sour cream
1 cup half and half
2 cups water
Garlic
Worcestershire sauce
dried parsley

Cook the beef until brown the onions until translucent, add garlic, dried parsley and a dash of Worcestershire sauce. Add the water, carrots, potatoes, and mushroom soup, and cook until done. Then I add the other veggies and the half and half and sour cream. Salt and pepper to taste.