I'm restarting! http://dsconfess.com
I'll delete this blog tomorrow.
Jul 22, 2010
Jul 21, 2010
Not Giving Up
I weigh 243. DS FAIL. The argument will be I failed it, and I won't disagree.
I lost my best window of weight loss. With the almost dying and caloric tube feedings for several months after surgery, I didn't even start to lose until after the window closed. After the first year, my body recovered and the weight gain has been continuous and inexorable.
I don't feel as if I've been overeating, but I haven't been restricting what I eat, or dieting, either.
I'd been avoiding the scale and was shocked when I got on it. I knew I'd gained weight, but didn't know it was that bad.
I'm back with a renewed determination.
Funny, it wasn't being fat that did it. I think I've become resigned to that. It was hot flashes and menopausal symptoms. Good Lord. It's 100 degrees outside and there's an 500 degree oven on in my body too? The sweating, the panting, the flushes, the sweating some more. I can barely describe the discomfort. My daughter says I sleep in Antarctica with AC blasting and multiple fans blowing gales on me. It's the only way I can sleep at all.
My last period was Dec '08, a little over two months before my surgery. I think I've had no menopausal symptoms since now because of the weight loss and estrogen release.
I think I want to keep on releasing estrogen for another year and steel myself for this menopause with at least a normal sized body. Hopefully, my fat still has enough estrogen it to forestall these symptoms. I'm fifty and on schedule and all, but I just don't want to deal with this over this gawdawful summer.
I probably have some sort of mental block against being normal sized, because the menopause reason makes finally approaching weight loss so much easier. I will put "Get Therapy" on my stat to do list too. It probably should have been on there long ago.
My decision as to how to go about this is to cut carbs to the bone. My goal is to low carb 75 pounds away.
I lost my best window of weight loss. With the almost dying and caloric tube feedings for several months after surgery, I didn't even start to lose until after the window closed. After the first year, my body recovered and the weight gain has been continuous and inexorable.
I don't feel as if I've been overeating, but I haven't been restricting what I eat, or dieting, either.
I'd been avoiding the scale and was shocked when I got on it. I knew I'd gained weight, but didn't know it was that bad.
I'm back with a renewed determination.
Funny, it wasn't being fat that did it. I think I've become resigned to that. It was hot flashes and menopausal symptoms. Good Lord. It's 100 degrees outside and there's an 500 degree oven on in my body too? The sweating, the panting, the flushes, the sweating some more. I can barely describe the discomfort. My daughter says I sleep in Antarctica with AC blasting and multiple fans blowing gales on me. It's the only way I can sleep at all.
My last period was Dec '08, a little over two months before my surgery. I think I've had no menopausal symptoms since now because of the weight loss and estrogen release.
I think I want to keep on releasing estrogen for another year and steel myself for this menopause with at least a normal sized body. Hopefully, my fat still has enough estrogen it to forestall these symptoms. I'm fifty and on schedule and all, but I just don't want to deal with this over this gawdawful summer.
I probably have some sort of mental block against being normal sized, because the menopause reason makes finally approaching weight loss so much easier. I will put "Get Therapy" on my stat to do list too. It probably should have been on there long ago.
My decision as to how to go about this is to cut carbs to the bone. My goal is to low carb 75 pounds away.
Jan 11, 2010
Holidays have settled out
215
I'm not dieting either. I'm chilling as far as my weight. I'm going to work on my head as far as diet--because what I tried for years before definitely never worked for me. More to come as this gels.
I'm not dieting either. I'm chilling as far as my weight. I'm going to work on my head as far as diet--because what I tried for years before definitely never worked for me. More to come as this gels.
Jan 5, 2010
Holiday Fall Out
218.5 pounds. The weight gain was astonishing and easy. Just like old days.
I'm back on the diet train, but I'm really struggling to make it something more livable and less like a diet. I want to lose fifty pounds. I have that old feeling of looking up to this fifty pounds as an unsurmountable, unclimbable mountain of pain.
Back to the diet trenches. Was the DS worth it? Because of my complications and lack of satisfactory weight loss, I have to say "just barely." I lived through it and lost 65-70 pounds. The weight loss did increase my health immeasurably, but I might have to fight to keep it off. Bottom line, I'm still fat.
Yes, it was only barely worth it--but if I had died, and I came close, it would have been tragically unworth it. As it is, I have to live with the decision for the rest of my life. Even if I do regain, I can't let my labs and supplements slip or I could suffer dire consequences.
For those people who blithely tell you to travel, to do this, to do that in regards to the DS--well, they might have the means to do whatever and you might not. I didn't. I had little close family, no friends, no husband, no support system, a fixed income, a child still in school, and a chronic illness along with fat that was killing me.
I listened to all the input and weighed it, but I simply could not do what some others could--travel to this doctor or that. I did what I could do, and tried to make the best decisions I could.
That's all we can do--our best.
Consider the decision to have the DS well, very well. If you live, it might be worth it, but maybe not. I'm on the border of not-worth-it. But if you die, it definitely won't be worth it, but you won't know it. I almost died and I can tell you this--I wasn't worried. I would have simply slipped away.
I'm back on the diet train, but I'm really struggling to make it something more livable and less like a diet. I want to lose fifty pounds. I have that old feeling of looking up to this fifty pounds as an unsurmountable, unclimbable mountain of pain.
Back to the diet trenches. Was the DS worth it? Because of my complications and lack of satisfactory weight loss, I have to say "just barely." I lived through it and lost 65-70 pounds. The weight loss did increase my health immeasurably, but I might have to fight to keep it off. Bottom line, I'm still fat.
Yes, it was only barely worth it--but if I had died, and I came close, it would have been tragically unworth it. As it is, I have to live with the decision for the rest of my life. Even if I do regain, I can't let my labs and supplements slip or I could suffer dire consequences.
For those people who blithely tell you to travel, to do this, to do that in regards to the DS--well, they might have the means to do whatever and you might not. I didn't. I had little close family, no friends, no husband, no support system, a fixed income, a child still in school, and a chronic illness along with fat that was killing me.
I listened to all the input and weighed it, but I simply could not do what some others could--travel to this doctor or that. I did what I could do, and tried to make the best decisions I could.
That's all we can do--our best.
Consider the decision to have the DS well, very well. If you live, it might be worth it, but maybe not. I'm on the border of not-worth-it. But if you die, it definitely won't be worth it, but you won't know it. I almost died and I can tell you this--I wasn't worried. I would have simply slipped away.
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