Holiday Fall Out

218.5 pounds.  The weight gain was astonishing and easy.  Just like old days.

I'm back on the diet train, but I'm really struggling to make it something more livable and less like a diet.  I  want to lose fifty pounds.  I have that old feeling of looking up to this fifty pounds as an unsurmountable, unclimbable mountain of pain.

Back to the diet trenches.  Was the DS worth it?  Because of my complications and lack of satisfactory weight loss, I have to say "just barely."  I lived through it and lost 65-70 pounds.  The weight loss did increase my health immeasurably, but I might have to fight to keep it off.  Bottom line, I'm still fat.

Yes, it was only barely worth it--but if I had died, and I came close, it would have been tragically unworth it.  As it is, I have to live with the decision for the rest of my life.  Even if I do regain, I can't let my labs and supplements slip or I could suffer dire consequences.

For those people who blithely tell you to travel, to do this, to do that in regards to the DS--well, they might have the means to do whatever and you might not.  I didn't.  I had little close family, no friends, no husband, no support system, a fixed income, a child still in school, and a chronic illness along with fat that was  killing me.

I listened to all the input and weighed it, but I simply could not do what some others could--travel to this doctor or that.  I did what I could do, and tried to make the best decisions I could.

That's all we can do--our best.  

Consider the decision to have the DS well, very well.  If you live, it might be worth it, but maybe not.  I'm on the border of not-worth-it.  But if you die, it definitely won't be worth it, but you won't know it.  I almost died and I can tell you this--I wasn't worried.  I would have simply slipped away.