Not Giving Up

I weigh 243.  DS FAIL.  The argument will be I failed it, and I won't disagree.

I lost my best window of weight loss.  With the almost dying and caloric tube feedings for several months after surgery, I didn't even start to lose until after the window closed.  After the first year, my body recovered and the weight gain has been continuous and inexorable. 

I don't feel as if I've been overeating, but I haven't been restricting what I eat, or dieting, either.

I'd been avoiding the scale and was shocked when I got on it.  I knew I'd gained weight, but didn't know it was that bad. 

I'm back with a renewed determination. 

Funny, it wasn't being fat that did it.  I think I've become resigned to that.  It was hot flashes and menopausal symptoms. Good Lord.  It's 100 degrees outside and there's an 500 degree oven on in my body too?  The sweating, the panting, the flushes, the sweating some more.  I can barely describe the discomfort.  My daughter says I sleep in Antarctica with AC blasting and multiple fans blowing gales on me.  It's the only way I can sleep at all. 

My last period was Dec '08, a little over two months before my surgery.  I think I've had no menopausal symptoms since now because of the weight loss and estrogen release.

I think I want to keep on releasing estrogen for another year and steel myself for this menopause with at least a normal sized body.  Hopefully, my fat still has enough estrogen it to forestall these symptoms. I'm fifty and on schedule and all, but I just don't want to deal with this over this gawdawful summer. 

I probably have some sort of mental block against being normal sized, because the menopause reason makes finally approaching weight loss so much easier.  I will put "Get Therapy" on my stat to do list too.  It probably should have been on there long ago. 


 My decision as to how to go about this is to cut carbs to the bone.  My goal is to low carb 75 pounds away.