Holiday Fall Out

218.5 pounds.  The weight gain was astonishing and easy.  Just like old days.

I'm back on the diet train, but I'm really struggling to make it something more livable and less like a diet.  I  want to lose fifty pounds.  I have that old feeling of looking up to this fifty pounds as an unsurmountable, unclimbable mountain of pain.

Back to the diet trenches.  Was the DS worth it?  Because of my complications and lack of satisfactory weight loss, I have to say "just barely."  I lived through it and lost 65-70 pounds.  The weight loss did increase my health immeasurably, but I might have to fight to keep it off.  Bottom line, I'm still fat.

Yes, it was only barely worth it--but if I had died, and I came close, it would have been tragically unworth it.  As it is, I have to live with the decision for the rest of my life.  Even if I do regain, I can't let my labs and supplements slip or I could suffer dire consequences.

For those people who blithely tell you to travel, to do this, to do that in regards to the DS--well, they might have the means to do whatever and you might not.  I didn't.  I had little close family, no friends, no husband, no support system, a fixed income, a child still in school, and a chronic illness along with fat that was  killing me.

I listened to all the input and weighed it, but I simply could not do what some others could--travel to this doctor or that.  I did what I could do, and tried to make the best decisions I could.

That's all we can do--our best.  

Consider the decision to have the DS well, very well.  If you live, it might be worth it, but maybe not.  I'm on the border of not-worth-it.  But if you die, it definitely won't be worth it, but you won't know it.  I almost died and I can tell you this--I wasn't worried.  I would have simply slipped away.

Weight and Eating Report

I've been 213.5 the last couple of days.  Day before yesterday, that was depressing, because I'd done well.  Yesterday, not so good.

My body is stabilizing from the rapid weight loss, I guess.

I'm starving now, going to cook some beef.

Weight and Eating Report

I'm holding steady at 213.5.  Yesterday wasn't stellar.  I ran around and thus was unorganized with my food.  I ate out at Burger King--yep, the bun.  What else?  Just a few slips, a bite here, a bite there.  Hopefully, today will be better.

Weight and Eating Report

I lost another pound and a half!  My morning weight is 213.5.  My morning weight before my weight gain was 212.5 so I'm only a pound away from baseline.

This low carb eating is working as far as losing weight.  The protein drinks (I really only like it in hot beverages, usually coffee, caf or decaf, but low cal spiced apple cider packets will work too) make it easier to stick to lower carb eating.

I am eating some carbs in the evening without it stalling my weight loss.  I had chicken, green beans, dressing,  and cranberry sauce for dinner last night.  Got the cravings and dug out a protein bar.  Later realized that it wasn't a low carb one, but one of those Snickers Marathon bars.  Need to buy some Atkins bars.

I woke up starving.  I'm sipping my coffee with whey protein and have a low carb omelet in the oven (2 eggs with 1/2 c half and half and a T of French onion dip, 4 slices of bacon cut up and fried with 1/2 a small onion, and topped with grated sharp cheddar).  Have finally kicked my potato jones to the curb (none in the house except some potato flakes in the pantry).

Why did I have SUCH a hard time doing this--controlling my eating enough to take off the rest of the weight I want to lose?  I don't want to speak too soon, I've only been doing this for a few days--but if I could control my eating reliably, I'd not have needed the surgery.

My immediate goal is to make Onederland.  That would be wonderful.  It would be more wonderful if I could make by my year surgery date.

Weight and Eating Report

I lost a pound. 215 morning weight.

I'm doing good at avoiding sugar...but need tightening up on the carbs.  Slipped in a bit of bread.

I'm revising the eating plan.  I'm going to include protein drinks and allow a serving of carb (such as one piece of bread or a bit of potato) with dinner.

Coffee with whey protein (20 g)  Take calcium, my extra D and anti inflammatories for RA (curcumin, Cormega) 

No carb sit down meal with protein--usually eggs Take the rest of my supplements and iron.  I'm taking KCl too.

Drink with whey protein   Take calcium

No cab sit down meal 

Drink with whey protein  Take calcium

One serving of carbs with a sit down meal 2nd omeprazole

So far, so good.  I made the best eggs, yum!  I fried bacon and onion then added frozen spinach. I mixed up eggs with heavy cream and French onion dip and poured the mixture into the cast iron skillet with the spinach and bacon and added this brie cheese that I found at the back of the fridge.  Diced it.  Then I baked it in the oven until the eggs were firm.  Almost better than sex!

Went to church this morning.  They had a pot luck afterwards, and I slipped up a bit on the carbs, but not badly.  Have gotten my protein drinks in, just have one more to go.  

Weight and Diet Report

Other than taking my supplements and trying to mind my health, I've been ignoring the weight.  It bothers me that I haven't lost the weight I wanted to lose as easily as I wanted to lose it.

I've been going hog wild on sweets over the holidays.  I got on the scale earlier this week and saw a five point weight gain.  Up to 217.5 from 212.5 early am weight.  That shook me.

I thought of an eating plan I believed I could stick to and so far, so good.   I'm down to 216  after one day.

Stop the sweets and sugar!  Just stop.  Eat meals.  Mandatory food.  Once I eat the mandatory food, the plan is that I'm satisfied and won't eat more crap.  NO sugared beverages.

Breakfast
Eggs...I like them baked.  I mix three with heavy cream and sourcream onion dip with a little Lawry's season salt and smokehouse pepper and bake in a small cast iron skillet with unlimited bacon
Coffee and half and half

Lunch
Lettuce and raw veggie salad with a cup of meat salad.  I love the chicken salad from Aldis.

Dinner
Meat
Veggies I like

Snacks
Cheese or peanut butter and Wasa Fiber Rye crackers (low carb)
Olives, nuts, cream cheese

Labs drawn today

I saw my surgeon.  I told him about my low vitamin D my rheumy found.  He redid it and ordered a full battery of tests.  I used to be an easy stick, but no more after my weeks and weeks in the hospital.  My veins are a mass of scar tissue.  I hate labs now because I'm usually stuck several times and often end up with a butterfly needle in the hand.  This hurts.  I figure it's poetic justice because I have drawn plenty of blood for other folks that way in my home health days.

My surgeon told me the usual about eating to further my weight loss.  Protein first, then the rest and watch caloric fluids and simple carbs.  I do need to tighten up on my habits.

Halloween has been sort of dicey with the candy.  I'm happy it's over and have gotten most of it out of my house except the candy corn.  Will take that to a friend tomorrow.

I was experimenting to see how my stomach can hold without upchucking.  It's only around 1/3 cup and I can't drink and eat at the same time.

I weigh 213.

Oh, I never mentioned my major DUH moment with my calcium/D supplement.  I was only taking one pill instead of two.  DUH, DUH, DUH.

And I have yet a new diagnosis...asthma.  It's sort of an auto immune thing too?  I have a new inhaler.

Back in the saddle as far as food

Getting control of my food eluded me for months and it has been depressing the hell out of me.  But yesterday, I was finally able to do it--and today too, it seems.

I'm eating low carb.  My secret is to have low carb food that I like easy and on hand when cravings attack, deviled eggs, chicken salad, glazed sugar free cinnamon nuts (nuts fried in butter, splenda and cinnamon), hot wings, bacon, fiber rye wasa crackers, sharp cheese, diet soda...

My goal is to take off twenty pounds and leave the 200s behind forever. 

Still the same

I think I'm getting a little depressed.  The weight loss is stalled, has been stalled for months and here it is...I have to be satisfied or diet.

I can't get into the diet mindset.  I don't know why.  I drift through gray days, feeling a bit desperate.

I eat what I eat.  Not a lot and not overtly bad stuff, but comfort food such as chicken and corn bread dressing with peas on the side.  Lots of carbs.  Then the next day I make a ratatouille with cheese for dinner and feel better, but I know I haven't done enough.  I haven't dieted.  I didn't eat chicken breast and salad or steak and green beans...because I didn't want it.  I've slipped into the familiar robes of soft, slippery comfort.   Food has become the enemy again.

I'm a bad person because I can't diet. I don't want to diet--I hate it, the constant alertness and monitoring, the privation and denial of what you really want to eat.  Why eat stuff you don't want?  My mother says this is my problem, that I refuse to eat nasty food.  "Food is simply nutrients for the body--you should eat what's good for you, not what tastes good."  Not what feels good either.

I grew up with broiled chicken, tuna, uninspired salads and weight watcher's food.  Nasty food. Remember when they sold frozen fish in those rectagular packages, like the once ubiquitous frozen vegetable squares?  There was never carbs in the house, no bread and god forbid, no cereal.  No mashed potatoes, no macaroni, no sweets, ever.  Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches were a novelty, something eaten away from home.  Home was dry frozen white fleshed fish, vegetable boxes of string beans and broccoli, always broccoli, along with chicken.

So I know what to do.

 I have to diet to get what I want--an attractive, healthy body.  No way around it.  My birthday is this week.  I'm getting old and before I die, I want to have it.  So, somehow, I have to do it.  Everything depends on my dieting.  Do I want success?  Do I want a life?  Diet, diet, diet.  And exercise, of course.  But one can exercise oneself silly without losing weight (I know).  Dieting is the key.  Food is my enemy while being the only friend.

I think this over and over and the days pass by with no diet.

Misery of the usual kind.  The kind I'm lifetime familiar with, a despised companion.  My DS was half a success, but half a failure.  I'm halfway to the goal I really want, and don't know if I can make it the rest of the way.

Why tell me the obvious?  I know, I'm worthless because I can't diet.  Sigh.  

I have a DS sister

She was also a 90's VBG revision to a DS.

We had the same docs, Dunshee and Stewart...they work in pairs.  Stewart worked on me--Dunshee was my primary.  Dunshee worked on her and Stewart was her primary.  They were both trained by Anthone.

I don't know if they do them separately now that they've racked up more experience.  They had done fifty DS's jointly when I had my surgery.  They did the procedure in teams of two surgeons without an extra charge.  They did it lap on DS virgins and would try on revisions, but always cautioned it could be quickly converted to open, especially on a revision.   My DS sister and I both ended up being done open.

She had her surgery a week before me and we were in the same hospital together.  She was 50-75 pounds heavier than me at our surgeries, I don't remember exactly.  She left a few days after I had my surgery.  I was hospitalized for weeks, much longer than her.  

She's lost a lot more weight than I have (100 pounds when I last heard) without my nasty complications at the outset even though we were both revisions.  She's not moaning about dieting either, but seems to eat what she wants within reason.  She had a lot more taste issues than me, but then again, I couldn't eat jack for months and subsisted on tube feedings.  I was so happy to eat once I could finally chow down, taste was the least of my worries.   Getting and keeping it down was my issue.

I write this to let folk know mileage does vary.

More from Kathleen and the DS Dieting Dilemma

Kathleen gave me permission to reproduce her post...it was in response to a woman who was worried about her weight loss post op the DS. She got the usual prompts to restrict her carbs.

As I am one of those where the DS kind of "didn't work" I feel I must reply to this post and put in my 2 cents. I lost 45 lbs and stopped. I started at 285 and was very dismayed at my weight loss stopping before I'd lost at least 100 lbs.

If I had to do it over again I think I would have been watching my carbs more carefully from the early months but right after surgery I was 1. not used to dieting, 2. not used to actually believing that diets worked for me, in fact, convinced they did not! and 3. wasn't able to eat very much so it didn't seem important that I ate carbs as long as I got in protein first.

I still can't each much. Heck, I just started to be able to eat at all a few months ago. My doc told me to eat whatever, since I could eat so little. I was on a tube feeding for months. I never have gone hog wild and eaten sweets wholesale--I'm diabetic. Eating whatever meant to me was eating the few carbs that I could tolerate without distress. So far that's not much, mainly potatoes and brown rice--but I don't like brown rice much. Eating whatever is eating a piece of Ezekiel bread (sprouted whole grains and beans--high protein) and rejoicing I kept it down.

You might say I had to learn the hard way that for some of us (what do you think, maybe 50% or more?) this is a tool that helps people lose a bunch, eat less after that, and get determined to stick to a sensible eating plan, (I am not bothered by the word diet, which to me means eating plan) and the DS does not automatically achieve the ideal weight loss by itself. It was a learning curve for me, and in the first year I did get down to a 65 lb loss by dieting, and later down to a 120 lb loss with more dieting, and this was indeed a "weight loss diet", one I liked and could stick to. I didn't stay at the 120 lb loss (165 lbs) and am now at 185 to 195 range and working on it, adding more exercise and sticking to my preferred eating plan (except when I don't).

Oh shit. Eating plan means D I.E. T. to me and diets have always been my nemesis.

I just wanted to say a word here about honestly looking at ourselves, how new people sometimes talk before DS about "diets don't work for me" and after DS many of us talk just like people on a pretty darn strict diet. ...Also called watching your carbs.

Thank Gawd, I'm not the only one who feels like that. I was boggling when I started to look into archives about my slowed to nonexistent weight loss. Everybody was telling me to diet! If I could diet, I wouldn't have needed the frickin' surgery, I thought.

 I never have gone hog wild on carbs, had to limit them because of my diabetes. Eating the minimal carbs always kept my ass fat. So am I back to square one!?  But I kept my mouth shut.

Whatever term you are comfortable with, it is a much stricter way of eating than we were doing before DS. I don't want to be telling Worried to "be afraid, be very afraid", just to recognize, as many have to sooner or later, that a change of eating is indeed part of the "work" and the "success" of the DS. We just can't eat like we did before surgery, for many reasons. Not trying to suggest that Worried is doing so, just commenting on the subject of life post DS and how it was for me, and that sometimes it does seem the DS didn't work.

Heresy!  The words seem to be verboten in the public forums.  Did I really damn near die for something that won't work all the way? Maybe I did...but I do know I wouldn't have lost the 70 pounds without it. Time will tell if it was worth it. Life is usually a gamble, and with no risk, comes no rewards. No regrets.

Yeah, yeah, I know you lucky ones who don't diet, never had to, the DS worked beautifully for you and I am happy for you and desperately wanted to be one of you myself, but get over yourselves, you were damn lucky!! Appreciate your good fortune, it didn't happen that way for quite a few of us, including, I suspect, many who just read, am I right?

Smug be-yotches. Okay, I admit it, my 215 pound ass is jealous. But why do people have to transform into born and bred Skinny Bitches once they lose the weight? Seriously.

I have often considered a revision, and while I have never really completely given up on that idea, I know that a little discipline and a good eating plan and exercise would do me just as good and cost a lot less. I don't regret my surgery (6 years ago) but I wish I had had a shorter common channel and developed better eating habits sooner. Better late than never tho! I am trying to be encouraging and informative with this post, and mean no criticism for anybody, just talking about my own experience and wanting to share with others who can relate.

Thank you! I SO related to you. But I'm not considering more surgery. I've had enough and more might just kill me. Where I'm at right now is either to accept my 215 poundedness or deal with low carb dieting. Maybe I can set my sights lower. I can lose thirty more pounds, can't I? I'd be more satisfied at 185.

Bear with me. I'm working through it. This is a big deal.

Dieting and the DS

Nope, I didn't do well yesterday. I was fine until the evening when that certain restlessness/dissatisfaction hit me. And damn, there were ice cream bars in the refrigerator. Yes, ice cream bars. Well, they're gone now.

Today is a new day. But I do need to finish the food I have on hand. I don't have the money to throw away food. I have too many carbs in the house. When they're gone, they won't be replaced.

One thing about carbs, a little will make you crave more. And they are the foods that fill that restless, dissatisfied emotional void I mentioned earlier. Carbs are the Devil. White flour is just a lesser demon in comparison.

Anyhoo...I was looking over at Obesity Help, a site full of folks and info. The duodenal switch forum is positively positive on the DS. It is a wonderful surgery in comparison with the others, but there are drawbacks that it seems verboten to talk about much. Are the ones having trouble with weight loss afraid to speak up? I know I was, even at the decision stage in the beginning. It was an invaluable source of info, but I kept my questions to myself and just read the archives and lurked.

Whine about dieting and carb restriction on the open DS forums too much and you run the risk of serious flames. Where did these once morbidly obese women get their steely carb-resistant willpower?

Dieting seems to be the reality of more than a few DSers, especially us revisions. Sure, there are some who have lost the weight without a hitch. There are others who have serious nutritional problems and bathroom issues.

Is there a safe place where us DSers who will have to diet to lose all our weight can speak out and seek support?

Effin' dieting. I really like Kathleen on the lists and boards. Ever time I read her, she has something of substance to say.

I feel that an important part of this process is really swept under the rug, the part where we all say (or most anyway, some claim then NEVER overate and those hundred or more pounds just "appeared") that dieting doesn't work.

I hear ya. My theory is that we really fat folk are genetically skewed toward getting fat in the midst of plenty. Some people couldn't gain up to 300 pounds if they tried and tried hard. But we do eat and love doing it. It's not as if somebody else was stuffing our mouths.

I think there could be a lot more honesty that we are all somewhat food addicted. I don't think that is shameful, everyone has some addictive behavior or coping or control behavior, whatever term floats your boat, and for some it is food. I love food, I am a "foodie" in the best sense of the term, I am a good cook, a connoisseur of good eats and love the food channel.

I not a great cook or a foodie that much, but I sure love to eat. And I adore my potatoes. I compare quitting them is about the same as quitting cigarettes felt to me twenty-odd years ago. Quitting cigarettes was a hell of a lot easier than the whole effin' dieting thing. Potatoes are just one thing.

The part that we ignore in the forum is that bit where the DS magically changes us into people who can "control our carbs". Just when and how does that happen for most people? I have tried to discuss it but have gotten little interest.

Kathleen is braver than I am. I don't dare try to discuss it in front of DS strangers. I'm an inveterate cowardly lurker. But I'm really struggling over controlling the carbs, as much as I ever did? Where is my DS magic? Does it exist? Dear Lawd, I'll never buy ice cream bars again, no matter how much the kid begs.

If anybody wants to talk about the DS and dieting, I'm here. It's my turf and I'm brave here.

Miserable About Dieting

Today, I vow to diet. It's the same as what I did thousands of days before my WLS. Low carb has always worked best for me--but I had to be very strict to lose weight before. No diary whatsoever, not every many veggies.

I'm going to just restrict my carbs (starches). Maybe I can still lose weight with some dairy (not carb laden milk-I'm talking cheese and cream). I'm going to have half and half in my coffee with whey this am. Make a note to buy cream instead.

Then I'll make a couple eggs with sour cream--maybe some bacon for brunch.

Later for dinner, I have left over pork chops. I can have that with cabbage. Sigh. Yes, I'm missing my potato already. Since it's just me and my daughter, if I make potatoes, the temptation to eat more than a bite or two is great. I'll make her mac and cheese to go with her pork chops and cabbage.

The Diet Dilemma

A member of the duodenalswitch list at yahoogroups.com wrote something I related to deeply. She did not give permission to reproduce it verbatim on my blog when I asked, so I'll just say she was exactly my weight (285) when she had her surgery and she only lost 45 pounds and stopped. She had to diet to lose additional weight, losing 120 pounds and stabilizing at around 90-100 pounds lost.

I'm a little luckier, despite being on tube feedings for months after my surgery...I stopped at a 70 pound weight loss. It's been several months and my weight has stabilized at 213 (nekkid and hungry) 215 (clothed and fed), neither losing or gaining.

It's a fact that some DSers lose only a certain amount and stop short of their goal. I'm apparently one of them.

The seventy pound weight loss is a blessing though. Most of my obesity related maladies are gone. I look somewhat normal now, although I wish I were thinner. I'd be happy to lose down to 185, 100 pounds down from my surgery weight. I need to lose thirty more pounds to reach that goal.

Hell, if I could diet successfully, I wouldn't have needed the DS! But, maybe now I can. Before Atkins never worked for me unless I stayed on it in the strictest sense...no cheese, no eggs, no dairy at all, and limiting my veggies in addition to no other carbs whatsoever. It was undoable.

Now, maybe I can do Atkins with low carb dairy and low carb veggies. That would be workable. I'm loving my potatoes now, a starch I can tolerate well. They will have to go...

DS eating to lose to optimal weight needs to be low carb because we malabsorb fat and need our protein to function well.

It's back to the diet struggle unless I can decide I'm happy at the weight I'm at now.

Progress

I fell off the wagon big time as far as recording my food. I don't know quite what happened, I got busy and sidetracked.

It seemed as if I had a couple pounds weight loss, could be water fluctuation...but now I'm back right where I was, 215 pounds.

I think my free weight loss is over, and it was worth it. My sleep apnea, diabetes and hypertension are gone. I want to take off at least 50 more pounds though...I'm going to have to do this on my own.

White flour and sugar have to be completely out of my life. The sugar has been gone, but the white flour sneaks in.

White flour is the Devil

I admit it, I've done badly at recording and charting my food. But I have been trying to watch what I eat the past few days.

I discovered white flour does not work for me at all. I get gas and abdominal trouble big time.

I'll ban flour from my diet also and see how it works.

Not losing weight

I've been stalled at around 213 pounds for at least a month.

It's time to get real. The first thing to do is to record every morsel I put in my mouth. I'll use fitday.com. Not that anybody visits, but I'll also write my food diary here to keep it honest.

With the DS, I can eat fat since I only digest 20% of it. I have to keep my protein intake high, as it's crucial and I only digest 50% of it. carbohydrates are the nutrients to watch. I hear whole grains and whole vegetable starches such as potatoes aren't bad, but refined and simple carbs such as white flour and sugar are the killers. I digest 60-80% of carbs, 90-100% of sugars.

I haven't been eating candy or cookies, but sandwiches and crackers have snuck into my diet, in what I thought were moderate amounts. They'll have to go. I'll keep modest amounts of potato in and maybe a little whole grain and monitor how it affects me.

I haven't had a lot of gas, but I notice it's increasing. Not enough to bother me terribly...but I see if cutting back on the carb makes any difference.

Here goes.

Weight Gain Blues

I'm five and a half months out. I've lost 70 pounds. Recently, I've put back a few more, around five.

I don't quite know what to make of this. I'm leaning toward water weight gain. My joints are mildly swollen.

I am eating more, not a whole lot of carbs though. I'm eating more because my stomach is finally able to take in real food such as meat with sauces and other textured foods.

I don't think I'll panic at this point. I really want to lose at least at least another 25 pounds and more like 75. I'll up the protein and chalk it up to water weight due to RA inflammation. I'll keep weighing to keep track of it.

If the weight doesn't swing downwards again, I'll need to modify my diet. First thing would be to keep track of what I eat. Fitday.com is good for this, I hear. I'll keep you posted.